so explain again why im purple
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age