worst night to have a conscience
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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