Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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