i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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