Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize