This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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