would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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