nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?