He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.