I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito