i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
birth control should be required to get into college
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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