Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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