I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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