apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
