i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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