I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone came in the potted fern
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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