I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize