I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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