This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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