If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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