STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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