Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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