Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
