Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
