so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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