you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
