Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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