He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober