Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10