Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
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Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird