I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.