I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
