i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize