I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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