that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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