my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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