I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
