Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
