Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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