I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
