Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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