Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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