we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
