I looked at my own cervix.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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