Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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