Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
