i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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