Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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