i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think i have two assholes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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