Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We don't watch enough power rangers
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
