i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You coming home soon, man?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He better not be in your backpack
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm