if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just high enough for therapy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious