he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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