i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You need Xanax blowdarts
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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