Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize