i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
